Life is better with him in it … talking about my crush from 24 years ago.

Episode Transcript

Kanu:Welcome to Real Love, Real Stories TV And Podcast. This is Kanu and I'm the host. Thank you so much for tuning in to join me as I learn about love from couples who are making their relationships work and from singles who make being single fun. 

In today's episode I am actually going to be talking about lost connections. So let me ask you a question. When you think back in your life, have you ever had a crush on someone and you never told them? Perhaps they had a crush on you too and they didn't tell you.

Today I'm going to be sharing a story and I am taking you back all the way to 1994, you get to get a peek into my life. This happened before I moved to the United States. I was still in Zimbabwe at that time. So I had a crush, I mean a huge crush on this guy, you know a guy that I used to go to church with. So my crush for him was so intense that every time I would hang out with him which was mostly every Sunday and some days outside of Sunday. When I'm around him, literally I would freeze because you know you have those butterflies in your stomach and you're supposed to, you know, show the person that you like them but I was very shy also. 

So it was funny because he actually told me he goes “I thought, you know, you didn't like me.” I think what was happening was my butterflies were so intense for him that I would literally freeze and then it would appear outwardly that I was not excited to be around him.Inside I was happy to see him and hang out with him. 

He was so cute because he would buy me chocolates, you know he would remember my birthday and he would do all these cute things that guys our age at that time would do. Some of these things actually I had to go through my diary which I’ve kept over these years. So I went through the diary of 1994 and was reading through it and there were so many entries in there where I posted ‘he made me smile, he made me happy, he bought me chocolates and he did all this’ and by the way I'm going to refer to him as he, for obvious reasons actually.

Anyway, so I had a big crush on this guy and you know this went on for quite a while and I never told him. Actually as I've been reflecting on this I wondered why I never told him and I think part of the reason is that there were so many people that were in my ear about him. I think there was a little bit of jealousy from a few people that I can think about, who would tell me really negative things about him. 

Then you know I still had a big crush on him but I would hold my feelings and never told him that I liked him because one, I didn't want to seem like I was falling for a guy who they had told me all these bad things about. I don't know if this happened to you before but sometimes people get in our ears to sabotage something that could be beautiful and sadly in this case it actually worked out.

Fast forward about three months, I had an opportunity to move. So from Zimbabwe I moved to the U.S and I left, I didn't tell him, I completely ghosted him. I packed my bags and flew half way across the world and moved to the U.S and didn't tell him. Mind you this guy was like a best friend at that time, a best friend I had a crush on. So it just was not very nice that I did that but I did it. I cannot remember my reasons at that time but I think they seemed pretty compelling at the time. 

So I moved to the U.S. didn't tell him and you know left him to wonder what happened to me. Am I okay, what's going on? But luckily for him, some of those people that we used to go to church with were friends and relatives so he was able to ask them, you know, what was going on, why I wasn't coming to church, and why he wasn't seeing me. They told him that I had moved to the U.S. 

So they gave him my number I believe and he called me from Zimbabwe to the U.S. He called me a couple times I think in the first six months of me being in the U.S. Then that contact sort of died. We didn't talk again after that. So fast forward I don't know maybe a year or so when I wanted to connect with him. that point I think social media was sort of starting to get popular and I looked for him on social media, couldn't find him, even found his brother and I sent the brother a message. I was like, “Hey you know I'm looking for my friend and just wondering if you can tell me what his number is and how I can get in touch with him?” I didn't hear anything back. 

So I tried to call back home to Zimbabwe and asked a few people if they had seen him, you know, if they could give him a message and give me his number and I could get in touch with him all to no avail. 

What I forgot to mention at first is that, when I left Zimbabwe, he had given me his picture and I brought that picture with me and I still have it to this date. So every time I would look at my album I would see his picture in there and I would think about him quite often throughout the whole year. So even up to now, this is 2019, I still have that picture. When I open my album and I do that quite often, and I see his picture and I've always wondered like what he's up to you know that person that you the back of your mind he's always there but there's nothing you can do about it because you don't know how to find him. 

Throughout the 24 years I actually went back to Zimbabwe several times and went to the church that he and I used to go to and I didn't see him. Our paths never crossed and so for whatever reason it just never really did work out. 

Fast-forward 2018, he then posted something on social media, on Facebook on one of my nephew’s page. Then I see his name and I was like “Wait a minute, that looks like my friend's name.” So I looked at his picture and it looked like him but I wanted to make sure so I sent him a message. I was like “Oh my gosh is this my friend?” He responded yes and then he shared his cell phone number with me. Then we started talking from there. 

Let me back up a little bit. So when I was looking for him on social media and all those online searches I actually was not spelling his name, his last name correctly. Which is probably why I couldn't find him and it turns out he was using my middle name Aqueline and a last name that is not my last name. So he was also searching for me using a whole completely different and wrong last name, so we never could find each other. 

The funny thing is the nephew who he commented on social media, on Facebook was always in contact with him and of course I always talked to my nephew. So the funny thing is both of us didn't even think to ask my nephew if he could give me his number and vice-versa. But he was the link that would have connected us over the years but we never really did think about that. 

Yeah, so anyways when I think about those people back in Zimbabwe who used to tell me all those bad things, trying to sabotage this relationship it just makes me wonder. I saw this phrase written by Jack White and it says “Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes when you're not looking; know your circle.” I don't know if this has happened to you before where you like someone and maybe somebody else likes that person and they start to tell you rumors about that person and you know things that would sabotage that relationship from happening. So definitely that's something that happened to me with this guy.

It's just been so nice to connect with him again and talk to him and he knows that I'm doing this episode because I actually...we were talking about our history together and trying to just make sure that the information I'm providing you is correct information. What was good to hear from him, you know, he said that in the last 24 years he thought about me. Almost every month he thought about me, wondered where I’m at, but he had given up because he just figured those people that he was reaching out to, who are my relatives you know that they wouldn't give him my contact information. He just figured that maybe it wasn't meant to be and they didn't want us to be together. So at some point he just gave up but he never stopped thinking about me. 

He said that in his heart he knew that one day we would connect and it just was so nice to hear. It kind of makes you think about that saying that goes ‘If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours and if it doesn't it never was.” So it's just kind of nice to be at this point in our lives where we're reunited, not in person yet because he's in Zimbabwe and I'm in the US but at least were chatting on video and phone calls and text messages and all those fun things that people do to stay in touch. 

We'll see, you know, definitely open to seeing if a relationship can be developed. It would actually be quite nice because this will be something that we wanted to do a long time ago but we could never really get that relationship going. So then it actually had me thinking and I ran into an article recently from Psychology Today that talks about the connections we make between the ages of 14 and 25 are some of the strongest we make in our lives.

It just kind of made me wonder like why this particular guy, why did I think about him over these years? I mean it's been 24 years and I left Zimbabwe way back then and I still to this day kept his picture, his paper picture you know in this day and age of digital I still have his paper picture and I think about him? You know just wondering what he's up to. Never in the context of like I want to be with him or anything but it was just you know I wonder what he's up to and how he's doing? Now that we started talking again it certainly has ignited some of those feelings that I had for him before and vice versa. He is quite you know excited and we talked about you know if a relationship could be but the only thing is there's such distance between us.Zimbabwe and U.S. and you know can long-distance relationships work? I don't know. He said they can if they're built on trust but certainly exploring that area and seeing if that could be. 

In continuing with my curiosity in terms of why this particular relationship or this particular person just stayed on my mind I started looking also at Erickson Stages of development. At that age that we were, we were definitely in the early adulthood phase and this is where romantic relationships are very important. This is where you are starting to ask yourself, can I love? So I'm wondering if this is why this particular relationship...because we never really did explore the romantic side of our relationship. We remained friends but never really did explore the romantic relationship back then. So just wondering why...again I'm trying to figure out why this particular person just stayed on my mind all these years.

Anyways, so that is a lost connection that I had from 1994. I hope one of these days that he and I will meet up in person and then we can see what that looks like but definitely as we're talking on the phone, on video, you know it looks like it could be a really nice love story but we won't know for sure until we meet in person. I hope that it happens very soon and we can see where it goes. 

I also saw this online and I really liked it and I'm going to read it to you. It says that ‘When two people are meant to be, nothing and no one can end them. They may get lost a time or two on their journey but true, real love will always conquer. Nothing can compete with them. Others can attempt to fill a void and eventually the two will be reunited. That's the beauty of true love you always end up with the right person at the right time regardless of any other factor.” 

For my crush from 1994, he is divorced, he's got three kids now and you know I'm divorced, I don't have kids and I am halfway across the world but we will certainly see if this is a true love in the making.

So let me ask you a question, have you ever had a crush on someone when you were young and then you reunited years later? Did a romantic relationship develop? What is your story? What was the end to that? If you have a love story that happened as a result of a missed connection I would love to hear your story.

Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode. I really hope that you enjoyed it and please remember to go to iTunes you can subscribe, rate, and review and also you can find more information about any of the episodes on  Follow me on social media, I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook under Real Love Real Stories. Till next time!

Kanu Jacobsen